2007-2008 FPN season considered an expansion year

Well readers I havent blogged lately cause we suck. Next week we are playing for 7 or 8th place...wow is that bad.

It is our first year so we are considered an expansion team and every expansion team sucks the first year.

FPN was able to hang a banner...more on that later

NEXT GAME

FPN

VS

red pepper

7:00pm

Gambucci


First round of playoffs boys. Its been a long season we all have bumps and bruises, suck it up and lets get a big W.....3 wins in a row and we will be able to hang the whitey cup banner....

NEXT GAME...LETS GO SIOUX

FPN

VS

HORNS BOYFRIENDS TEAM

8:15

Eagles

On another note:

Lots of media outlets have been ripping the sioux for their last few weeks with fighting and penalties. Since this is one of the majior media outlets i thought we better say something....

Shut up you fags, this is hockey. The sioux have always been a gritty team they take the ice to win at any cost. If you dont want to play with us then go back into your locker room and play with your dingy.......

NOT IN OUR HOUSE BIOTCHES

BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTAL

That pretty much sums up the night for FPN............CLEAN IT UP BOYS

Quote of the night

GOD WE SUCKED TONIGHT....everyone

"im not going to play next week because i dont want my boyfriend from the other team to get mad at me"......i wont put a name on this quote

HIGHLIGHTS

50 beers were brought to the game....49 were drank.....nice work

FPN loses 6-3 to Spectrum....wow is that gay......do you want to know how i know your team is gay.....you lose to a bunch of grafton boys on a team called spectrum

BEER GUY..JACKO

NEXT GAME

FPN

VS

Spectrum

8:30

Purpur



Lets get number 3 in a row.

Just pass it to Larson, I think he has his scoring touch back...if he chokes twice we will sit him for a period

KATE IS GREAT

FPN played overtime last night and the first period ended with FPN up 9-1 so the game was pretty uneventful. The only things that really happend was Larson was flying around trying to get his scoring touch back. "hay i felt bad flying around out there but i havent scored all year so i need to try get the touch back, i think this hatrick tonight against this termite goalie will really get me on the right track" said larson. Along with larson, Fredie decided to wind up and take a very long, slow, shitty slap shot into one of overtimes players chest when the score was 18-3........must have been to impress Katie

BUUUUUUT, Fredies delightful treat met him in the locker room and the night started. Katie (berties ladies friend from last week) decided to come into the locker room and have a few beers with the FPN. Bertie was brilliant enough to inform us that she would be coming in before the game so we had it all set up so she could sit by Fredie. So fredie gets into the locker room, starts up a wonderful conversation with Katie and starts to get undressed.

Fredie has everything off except his sweats, so once again he is showing off is wonderfully groomed body. He stands up, grabs the sweats, drops them to the floor, throws his towel over his head and drapes it over his shoulders and sits right back down to continue his conversation with Katie like nothing has happened. At this point the whole team preatty much loses it with laughter. Fredie's big jim and the twins are just hanging over the bench saying "hay look at me, im not scary." He puts a few one liners on her but katie is just not having it. So fredie decides to hit the shower, he walks to the shower with his towel over his shoulders showing off his backside. There was a few propositons to katie from the shower but she wasnt having it.

On a sad note:

Our fateful leader and FIST PUMP inspiration played his final game with fist pump nation on wednesday. Due to salary cap issues he was traded to the Junior B league in the cities. rumors have been swirling about him chasing a lovely lady but we haven't found enough evidence to convick him of that.

Good luck BDO, thanks for the Dynasty........

Oh by the way he tried very very hard to get a g-note in his last night.....and he was successful...

Quotes of the night

"My dad used to fuck her mom"...viggy refering to someones friend

Fredie had multiples but i cant remember them cause i was laughing to hard

Highlights

Larson gets his first hat trick

Fredie takes a boomer that goes no where

Horner lights the lamp to keep his scoring streak in tact



See you next week

Beer Guy-Bertie (Katie bring some wine for you and fredie)

NEXT GAME

FPN

VS

Overtime

9:30
Gambucci

Lets get another win boys....


Beer Guy-Horn


Norby is disputting the Brown stain was not from a shart. Since we are a team I thought we would do a little survey and let the team decide where the brown stain came from.

Where did Norbys Brown Stain Come From?

A) A Shart
B) Deep finger penetration while he was laying on the couch eating cheetos
C) Not enough wipes after a dirty deuce caused by ninja turtle shots
D) His new women got a little frisky with him when he wasn't ready
E) Does it really matter, a brown stain is a brown stain, clean it up norby.......

Post your answer in the comments section, results revealed after our big win on Wednesday.

FPN SKIDS BY THE BIG HOUSE

9:30 eagles was the place to be if you wanted to see a hard fought battle for 3 solid periods. FPN squared off against the Red Pepper and it went down to the wire. "this was a good game, hard fought, little chippy, nice goals, great goal tending..pretty much all you need in a good solid game" said rosty.

Red Pepper was able to get on the board first with a sniper for the Donger himself Mark Lindgren. FPN wasnt scared though "the donger is good for a couple a game, so we knew he was going to score, we were just glad we got it out of the way early" said Viggy. This would be the only deficeit the FPN would have to face all game!!! FPN came back with 2 unanswered goals to end the first with a 2-1 lead. "it was good for morale, after only putting up 2 last week, it was good to get on the board" said horner.

From this point on it was pretty much great goaltending and gritty play in both zones. Both teams were able to get on the board in the second to make it 3-2 heading into the third. "we knew the third was going to be hard fought, we just had to bury in and make sure we didn't give up the lead" said boogs

Solid tending on both sides kept the game at a stand still until BOOGS decided he wanted a G-note. On a perfect pinch boogs stepped up, looked at wilson, gave a half a smile and went 5 hole to put the nation up by two with about 7 minutes left. "that was a big goal, they had some momentum going and boogs made a great play" said horn. The pepper was able to get one more but that was it. FPN holds off for a big 4-3 victory over thier bittal rival.

So readers you would think this is where it would end...oh no... oh no

So FPN comes back to the locker room with 45 bucsh lights and one pounder (MVP Trophy) awaiting them. The beers start to be drank and good chatter is going on when Sean "the birdman" Bertie stands up walks to the door, and goes out and gets the one fan that was watching.....the fan was a girl......Bertie says "come on in"....this may seem weird to some, but Bertie has a lot of lady friends, which he does a lot of crazy things with...like showering with them and not banging them.....i dont know how he does it but he does. I once asked him what happens if he pops chub and he says he uses it as a towel rack.........nice. K, back the the locker room. This lovely lady comes in and sits next to Bertie....and guess who the hell is on her other side....none other than FREDIE....you know your night is going well when the only lady that has ever come into the FPN locker room has to sit next to fredie, its basically a great set up for laughs all night.

So it doesnt take long for fredie to introduce himself and start the chatter, weird, general conversation in the locker room is going on, males showering the usual. Then we hear that someone has had a little accident in the corner and my have sharted when he thought he was going to FART. This gentelmans name is NORBY and he has very thin pants on so you can see the shart on the outside. On any given night no bid deal, but when there is a lady in the room...little different. (food for thought, you can hang your dick out infront of a stranger but god for bid you shart a bid and the world ends) So norbs is a little embaressed and backs out of the locker room not to show off his shart...we did get him to turn around and show us and it wasnt that bad. K back to Fredie and the lovely lady...

So by this time Fredie has his shirt off, knowing that it will get some chatter bydal comments on his awesome bod. He chuckles and the lovely lady says, ya your boobs are bigger than mine...fredie says, ya "well maybe you need to go see Doctor Troy (plastic sergeon)". Now its time for fredie to hit the showers, fredie is naked not try to block much from the lady that is sitting shoulder to shoulder with him...walks to the to the shower drops the towel to show his finally tuned cluteous maximus (with a little cottage cheese) and goes to the shower...few minutes later fredie comes back, naked drying off looks to the lady and says "you know, i have a 80% satisfaction rate with the ladies" Bydal says "how do you know that" "i talk to their friends, all women talk"

What a great night, big win, lovely lady in the locker room, and FREDIE...BEUTY

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT

"you now, i have a 80% sastisfaction rate with the ladies" Fredie (while drying off his balls) says to the lovely lady

HIGHLIGHTS

With Tom Bryan hanging all over him, rosty one hands a shot passed wilson to put FPN on the board

HORNER GETS HIS FIRST G-NOTE OF THE YEAR...nice work

BOOGS with a snipe for the game winner

Clay Mannie with a solid solid night to help give FPN a W

Beer Guy-Horn

NEXT GAME

FPN

VS

Red Pepper

9:30
Eagles


Shoot, pass, kick some ass

BEER GUY-TEAM BEER, Bydal will bring, and there will be no Old E along with the frosty Busch Lights

FPN LOSES, BYDAL CHOKES FROM THE START

So, I go to the liquor store to get a dirty thirty for the team. I decide to grab a 40 of OLDE E for the MVP of the night. This turned out to be a horrible decision. Apparently OLDE E is very unliked by FPN and no one wanted to score to get the MVP.

So to the team I apologize for bringing such a shitty MVP trophy, i guess OLDE E just isn't the frosty beverage of choice for FPN.

Bydals choking didn't stop there....oh no.....readers it had just begun.

Bydals chokes:

1. Tying my left skate, break a lace

2. Tying my right skate, break another lace.....I should have told myself right then and there to take my equipment of, grab my brown bag full of OLDE E, and go sit in the stands.

3. Bydal gets a great pass from BDO...in on a break away... goes back hand................STONED

4. Bydal gets a penalty shot, STONED

5. Bydal gets a penalty shot, STONED

6. Bydal gets another penalty shot, scores.....little to late you dip shit

So Bydal had 4 golden opportunities to score and only scored once, he also had a few decent opportunities to bury it and didn't do it there. Considering we lost 5-2.....I would say that it was BYDALS fault for this loss. Not just because of the chokes on the ice, but because of the purchase of the OLDE E.......no one wanted to get the MVP trophy so no one wanted to score.....DAMMIT BYDAL CLEAN IT UP.........

"i just couldn't get it done tonight, i am very upset i let my team down" bydal said "i hope the doc in CO doesn't send me down to the Denny's Cup League to work on my skills, but after tonight i don't know if he will have a choice"

FPN lose 5-2..........2 F@%CkING goals in a city league game is pathetic, we are a better team than that!!!!!!!

Each member of FPN, who missed the net tonight (so everyone), has to go into the garage and shoot 100 pucks a day for the rest of the week.......


QUOTE OF THE NIGHT

As bydal is reflecting on his shit performance tonight he says "hay ovechkin is only 30% on his shoot out opportunities so I guess I'm not doing that bad"

HAY BYDAL NEVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO OVECHKIN AGAIN....


HIGHLIGHTS

Norby gets his lunch box and gets FPN on the board in the third...

that was about it........dammit we suck


Lets clean it up boys, another big rematch against the pep next week

GAME CHANGE-NEXT GAME

FPN

VS

Happy Joes

PURPUR
8:30


We need another W boys, lets get some pay back

TIGHT JERSYES HELP FPN GET A WIN

First things first, Our jerseys finally got the logos put on them. PITA PIT, TAPERS PLUS, AND RHINO CONTRACTING--they look hot. So Jordan who did the printing had his lovely wife give them a wash.......and apparently put them in a super duper drier and shrunk a majority of them to look like the guy to the left......good thing know one wears shoulder pads cause the jerseys wouldn't fit. Mrs. Jordan thanks for the wash, lets try cold wash next time





Any who, after we struggled to get our jerseys on we took the ice to get the season back on track. Eagles arena has been good to us so there was good vibe before the game. A few guys were nervous because there was a sold out crowd of...8...the malichers travel well, but a solid FPN warm up got everyone ready for the task at hand.

The game started off in the usual way, with steady back and forth action. Then the birdman decided he wanted to get his first G-note of the year. He took the puck out of the FPN zone and did a few head fakes, one toe drag, and sniped from the blue line. FPN up 1-0. "I was a little worried at first, but it was good for us to get that first goal, not only to silence the malichers but for the team, got everyone upbeat and ready to go" said fredie. From there it was pretty much FPN domination. This was just to much for a guy you may know.....ROSS "I SUCK" Lund.






I don't know if it was that Ross didn't make the FPN roster or what but half way through the second he snapped. He decided to follow bydal around and try and get him to fight and was just overall being a ROSS LUND which equals KING DOUCHE....this payed off well because bydal lite the lamp twice while ross was following him around...Bydal had an opportunity to seal the natural hat trick on a penalty shot...but Bydal was a little worried and didn't want to wipe out again and skated straight in on the tender, attempted to make a move, and shot it into the goalies chest. "after cock smoke slashed me to give a penalty shot, i had flash backs of last week and got real nervous, if i were to wipe out on two penalty shots in a row i might have been asked to leave the team, so i figured skate straight in and shoot would be the safest bet, i got my confidence back now so i think i will be good to go next time" Bydal said. All these chances that were generated because ross had a spout of small man syndrome were just to much, he continued to chirp the bench, with a little procrastination from bydal, and the ref tossed him......it was pretty classic...a greenberg teammate actually had to tell him to leave........Ross might be time to hang it up, you have played, wait tried to play, on every single team from here to Oregon..and it has never worked out..........FPN suggestion....Bouche ball.


Game ends at a 8-4 win for FPN



Quote of the night

Viggy was talking about the savage drought his cock has been in and this is what he said "my cock feels like it is in a 1930's dust bowl, it has been so long" oh then he said he only goes out on Wednesdays if he is guaranteed to get laid???????


HIGHLIGHTS

Bertie gets his first G-note after a 3 weeks off


ROSS LUND-thats all i need to say about that


Clay Mannie solid night again...must have been the inspiration from his students in the crowd with "i love clay signs"-actually happened


FPN GETS BACK IN THE WIN COLUMN



On a sad note, we forgot to bring beer last night so there wasn't much celebrating after the game. Horn, VP of player operations, said maybe we shouldn't bring beer anymore since we won......................he has now been demoted to Jock Washer for the next two weeks




TEAM BEER NEXT WEEK-Bydal will bring

NEXT GAME

FPN

VS

GREENBERG ALLSTARS

Watch out for these two..........I think they will bring their A game tonight. If you get in the corner with nord he might try and give you one of his business cards so try stay focused on the game and tell him to put his card back in his fanny pack.

9:30
EAGLES

Lets right the ship tonight boys

FPN looks like a PEE WEE TEAM

Last night was pretty much a brutal game for the FPN all around. WE SUCKED, shit passing, shit positioning, shit everything. So we lost 8-6.


Got a call from the Doc in CO and when I answered he just hung up. I think he was trying to let me know that players on the FPN are about ready to have their careers hung up if we don't start producing.


Boys lets think about this, our name is the FIST PUMP NATION, and the only thing we have been able to fist pump to this year is Fredies sex's stories (and a few of norbys). Don't get me wrong they are glorious stories and worth a Fist Pump, but come on, you cant have the name of FPN and not be winning. Thats like having the name of Dirk McDiggler and not being a porn star, it just doesn't happen. So lets think long and hard about the first half of he season and make a push for whitey cup glory and start playing like team we are and the team we know we can be!!!!!!!!


QUOTE OF THE NIGHT

Norby met a lady on Monday night....."best sex he has ever had.......9 hr session"


HIGHLIGHTS OF THE NIGHT

Hatrick horn did it again, but this week he got 4....freak of nature




and one other thing happened.......dammit




So about half way through the second period. FPN down by 2 goals. Bydal gets hooked down and a penalty is called (all penalty's are penalty shots). So knowing that this is a very crucial shot, Bydal starts to get his youngblood face on and starts to think about that glorious movie when DEAN YOUNGBLOOD won it for his team on a penalty shot.

So Bydal stares down the goalie, skates around the center circle twice, skates to the puck and kicks it with his back leg up to his stick. Skates into the zone gets to about the blue line.....and well this is where Bydal went from being DEAN YOUNGBLOOD to DEAN DICKLER and lost the puck, tried to regain himself by reaching for it, TOE PICKED himself, fell to his belly, took a piss poor shot, barrelled rolled into the corner and then laid there like a dead fish..........YES folks, MATT BYDAL wiped out on a penalty shot last night..........Just a great way to cap of the night. "I don't know what happened, i was in the zone at first, i knew i was going to score, then i got to the blue line and it all went foggy..my heart started pounding, my vision was blury, my legs were weak, and the next thing i know I'm laying in the corner on my back....i really hope the DOC doesn't send me down to JV, I spent enough time their in high school" (Please watch the video with the RBK symbol in the background to the right and wait till the #2 blooper......even the pros wipe out on a penalty shot......)

LETS CLEAN IT UP NEXT WEEK, like my good buddy's rob and big say.....LETS DO WORK!!!!!

SORRY READERS, BIG SORRY TO NORBY

FPN READERS I would like to send out an official apology for the lack of writing the last week. I was ill and unable to make it to the game. I know all star reporters never let little things like that get in their way and but the diarrhea and pucking just wouldn't allow me to make it to the computer.

I did do some research on the game and rumor has it horn got a hatty...well that's weird. I also heard that Matt "i got a hockey body" Norby was able to get to the net 3 times. With no reporters their no one was able to research this rare feat. I was able to do some research and the last time norby was able to light the lamp 3 times in a game was in 87 in a Peewee AAA game in Dickinson....way to get the scoring touch back.....FPN will expect more hattys throughout the year.

Another rumor was FPN didn't play that well....must have been the new year...lets shake off the hangovers and get back to playing FPN hockey.

NO STAT SHEET = A WIN, we better keep the stat sheet in the closet for a few more games

Bertie is back tonight as well........

See you boys tonight

On a serious note

C Ronko is on the IR due to getting hit by a TRAIN! He is ok, yes i said ok, maybe a few bumps and bruises but other than that good to go. If that doesn't show you that FPN is destined for greatness i don't know what will......Good to still have you on the TEAM Ronko. See you on the ice when you are ready